Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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