I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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