they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
