happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
