I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
