Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
