I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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