I love having hate sex.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When are your genitals available?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
