Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
