I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
