remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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