I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
only if we run a train.
done.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize