At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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