is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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