is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
