I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize