you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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