Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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