I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
