I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
