the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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