and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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