To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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