He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
