I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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