Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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