saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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