u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
