I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
high people should be assigned attendants
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
