hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
