i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
