Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize