i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
