My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
