My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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