You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
