Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I cut my penus on the lid.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
