Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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