and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
