Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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