She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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