I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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