this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
