Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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