in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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