Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
