We won't sleep together?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize