he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
