Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize