that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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