All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
