Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
