I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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