Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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