I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
