This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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