I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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