I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's blow job season.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
