I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
