I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm at about main and main street
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
