ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize