sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
