I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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