so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize