ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
