I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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