woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
