I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
