I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
