I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
