I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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