I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
