My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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