I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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