During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
