Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
