im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
