she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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