he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
