even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
