Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
