I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
