i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
