so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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