Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
