I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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