I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
