nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
