I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
