i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
