Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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