i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize