He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i now understand why vodka
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
